Goals of parenting

When my wife and I spoke at the recent Spiritual Habits of a Child's Heart symposium, we asked the question to the participants of our workshop: What are your parenting goals?

The question appears to be straightforward but the tricky part is that most parents have not stopped to think through this question. When we are at work and have a project to do, we like to start with the vision and goals. But with parenting, we have a kind of hope-for-the-best attitude which frankly, is a little alarming.

To help the participants think about the goals of parenting, we gave them four questions to work through.

1. What do you want for your children's lives?
2. What do you want them to be like when they grow up?
3. What do you deem as a successful life for your children?
4. How do you want your children to relate to God?

If parents sat down and answered this questions thoroughly and honestly, they will be able to see where their heart is for their children. Do they want God as the goal for their kids? Or do they buy into what the world espouses—a life of materialism, status, reputation and riches? In other words, an empty life.

We suggested some sample answers for the participants to consider. They are the answers we want for our children. We have to pray every day for God to make these answers a reality. The work to get there will take years but the good news is that it is the work of the Holy Spirit. We don't need to rely on our own strength. Yes, we have lots of shepherding to do, but God is the one that ultimately moulds our children.

Here are our answers.

1. What do you want for your children’s life?
I want my children to worship the one true God, to live in reverent fear of him, to treasure him above everything else in life and to live to glory God through everything that they say and do.

2. What do you want them to be like when they grow up?
I want them to be God-fearing people who recognize that they are one of God’s children and they have no allegiance to the world. They value nothing that the world offers but crave God instead. They love others with the love that Christ showed and they live to do the will of God for their lives. They are incredibly happy with God and don’t care that the world thinks of them as fools.

3. What do you deem as a successful life for your children?
A successful life is one lived completely for God and one where God is glorified through the obedience of my children. In the world’s eyes, they may not have made it, but they are a blazing witness for the glory of God.

4. How do you want your children to relate to God?
I want my children to fear God and be mindful of his wrath. I want my children to know that they cannot relate to Christ at all except through Jesus Christ who came to take away their sins and provide the way of reconciliation with God. I want them to always come before God with great joy, knowing that God has supernaturally reached out to rescue them from the path of destruction. I want them to be fully confident that God will do what he promises: to preserve their faith and refine them until they will be fit for heaven when they die.